14

The week before his birthday is always the hardest.....

and this morning at 5:27 am

there IT was, sitting on my chest...

the heaviness, the hurt, the longing that it would have been a different outcome,

the second guessing myself of what I would-of, should-of, could-of done differently.

Last year I pasted his birthday and it didn't hurt,

so why is it starting now this year again?

It's been 14 years,

you'd think I'd get over it...

and believe you me, I have in a way,

it sure doesn't physically hurt as it use too,

now it just aches, and it's sad, sad that life isn't perfect.

I guess it's just the mourning process,

and it's okay to mourn someone you love,

a mother's love is amazing,

I loved Landon even before holding him in my arms,

I know that I already knew him,

and that's why it stings so bad because I did know and love him..

*Kurt just said" Can you imagine having a 14 year old AND a Spencer!"

(that's what I needed, a good little chuckle!)