I always think about Landon a lot during the last week in April, 

after my water broke,

that was our time we spent in the hospital together...

on bed rest.

 I think about the day he was born,

 and all the events that lead up to his birth, 

 all those scary moments in between and even a few good ones.

 and of course, after he was born,

 as we, Kurt and I, spent time just holding him, and being with him.

 he was beautiful and his little body was perfect, 

it's kind-of hard to see how cute he was in pictures because his little face was red,

but, he was just adorable!

 it was an amazing feeling to hold him and still be able to feel his little spirit even though it wasn't in his body anymore,

 the veil between this life and the next was very thin, 

I believe thinner than at any other time in my life, 

being his mother and having the priveledge of being a vessel to bring his perfect little body down on this earth, and then, feeling it leave to go back to his heavenly home,
 it was a unique and amazing experience to say the least, truly sad and very surreal because you really can't believe that it's happening to you..... but calming at the same time... if that makes sense?

it only seems right when you think about it, 

that the veil between heaven and earth would have to be so thin...

 I wish he could have stayed with us.... 

it's been 16 years today...

and just as any mother would,  just looking at this pictures makes my arms ache to hold him again.

I will always be grateful for his cute nurse, who gave him a bath, and helped me dress him,
she was so gently and kind to Landon,
 and held it together so beautifully until the end when we said our good-byes,
then she started to cry too...

Happy Birthday Sweetheart.