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Wednesday, December 16, 2009

5 years without....



The grieving process is strange,
so much runs through your head and heart sometimes,
I miss Steve, we all miss Steve, when he was around, he made me a better person,
I think he made us all a little better,
the sun felt warmer when he was around,
it really did,
he was just one of those people,
did I mention that I miss him.... alot,
but, I'm grateful after 5 years my heart doesn't physically feel like it's breaking
and I can actually breathe,
now, I just miss him heart-wrenchingly normal....
5 years seems so long
but, on the other hand it seems like he's been gone for 6 weeks
and its time for him to make that drive back to Texas for a visit,
gosh,
I miss him!






3 comments:

Dave said...

Steve appeared to me in a dream early tuesday morning. I just sat there listening to his voice and feeling the flood of emotions of joy and eternity, I'd forgotten how animated and lively he was and hearing him speak brought it all back. He looked great! Healthy! He looked like he was about 25 or 30 I was intrigued by how lively and young he looked, his face had a little bit of a white glow to it. I've never seen that picture of him that you have on this post but when I did it was somewhat shocking to me because after seeing him tuesday morning, that picture makes him look like an old man.. I tried ,as I awoke emotionally full of joy, to remember what he had said, it felt like I listened to him for ten minutes or more, but his words escaped me. The comunication that I recieved through feelings was that he is progressing and learning and happy, yet he longs to play and raise and be with his Madison, Lauren and Arik. He also is seeking forgiveness from those who he has hurt or wronged. As I awoke a great peace come over me and reminded me that this life is temporary, charity is the greatest and never faileth, Steve had great charity, and to be truly happy and content we must serve others..
I hope all this dosn't short circuit you post, I thought you may appreciate my experience as much as I did. I know Steve lives and that Heavenly Fathers all seeing eye is upon us. He knows what we don't need to be happy and He knows what experiences we each persoally need to chasten us to make us come toward Him and help us appreciate on long for His Spirit. I miss Steve and the pure magic that he brought into our family's life, I felt the magic leave when he left this physical realm, but his magic lives and it was glorious to feel it again, I looke foreward to the time when we can all feel him and his magic together..

I love ya Jules,
thanks for listening.....

Judi said...

thinking of you! hugs sent your way. my mom has been gone for 5 years (aug 27) and I know your pain and sorrow...
love you!

Unknown said...

Wow Dave! He didn't even tell me about that.
We went to Torrey recently and it wasn't the same without Steve.

I remeber going there when I was pregnant with Macall, and Steve offered his bed to dave and I and he slept on the floor in his storage room! He made me homemade lemonade and soup. He wouldn't let me do anything because he knew I wasn't feeling well. He was always serving.

I remember him coming to our townhouse one morning for a pass through visit and I made whole wheat waffles with pure maple syrup and he made such a big deal about it! He always made everyone feel good about what they did. :)

I also remember visiting Torrey one time and he introduced me to his friend as his sister-in-law and his friend said, "You could could be her dad"! He didn't like that very much!

I knew Steve little but even I miss him so I can understand the way you must miss him deeply.

Love ya!